My Paradox

It’s the age-old dilemma – a stay-at-home mom who doesn’t want to feel like the only thing she does is care for babies all day, but doesn’t have time to do anything else.

It makes me crazy. There is a constant pull within me to accomplish something ‘of worth’ during my day, yet I’m not able to follow through with any of the plans that I make. I have a hunch that most moms would say the same thing – especially nursing moms. Of twins. Who decide not to sleep at the same time. Or for longer than 45 minutes at a time anymore. I want so badly to remember what it feels like to get something done during the day. To create and execute lesson plans. To make up projects. To grade papers. To get in and out of the house without breaking my back carrying carseats. To make a dinner that isn’t overdone because it had to be put on hold while a crying baby is attended to. To watch a TV show start to finish without interruption. To take any length of shower that I want without rushing. To have the energy to workout. To feel like I own my body again.

Then I stop myself and realize that my babies are only that – babies – and will only be babies for a finite amount of time. After that, when they are toddlers and beyond, they won’t be bothered to sit still long enough to cuddle and this time will be but a flash in the pan.

And then I really stop to think and realize that caring for these babies is the most important and worthwhile thing that I can do with my day right now. And if holding them to stop their crying or feeding them or shaking a rattle to entertain them is what I have to do to best care for them, then it’s ok if that’s all I ‘accomplish’ in a day. Because at the end of the day, I’d rather have babies who know that I love them more than dinners and laundry and showers and exercise.

I’m sure all of you moms out there reading this know just how I feel – but my guess is that you love your babies more than all of those things too.