Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Quiet, Selfish Fear

This is a huge week for us... well, not for us, but it will potentially change our life as we know it. Friday is the deadline for a career related decision that could move our best friends from Pittsburgh to Portland, Maine. Charlie and I have been talking about this (and worrying about it!) since the three year position began, but now the time has finally come to make the decision that could move them 688.3 miles away (and yes, I've mapped the drive ; ) )

If you've read my blog before, you can easily tell that I am NOT one for change -- at least changes that I didn't decide and that I can't control. I don't like when change is forced on me, and my first reactions are usually ones of disappointment, frustration and sadness. When college ended, I cried over losing my roommates as we were all scattered away from Pitt. When my sister moved to Michigan, I cried over losing the closeness that comes with sharing a room for 16 years. When I left Wales after 3 months of studying abroad, I cried over the thought of never seeing those friends again in my life. When other close friends moved at the beginning of the summer, I cried then too... predictable, huh?

What I have realized though, is that in all the new and fantastic friendships I have made over the last several years, there was probably someone on the other end crying at having lost the same friendship.

I don't think it's wrong to feel this quiet, selfish fear over the possibility of losing such close friends, but I don't think it's helpful either. If nothing else, it's helped me realize just how much they (and their kids) really do mean to me. Maybe the best solution is just to praise God for having 'loaned' me these relationships in the first place and to pray for peace for them as they struggle through making this huge decision.